


I Wanna Be Your Endgame

by Carlet



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Post-Finale, Spoilers, Team as Family, mama may
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-20
Updated: 2018-05-20
Packaged: 2019-05-09 06:55:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,055
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14711252
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Carlet/pseuds/Carlet
Summary: Melinda May had been proposed to before. But this was one she’d never forget.





	I Wanna Be Your Endgame

**Author's Note:**

> The finale just DESTROYED me so naturally I had to write about it. Spoilers for the season 5 finale.
> 
> Title is inspired by "Endgame" by Taylor Swift.

Not counting the birth of their children, most people considered their wedding day to be one of the best days of their lives, with the day they proposed (or were proposed to) a close second. 

Melinda May was an exception.

She was not overly sentimental about, well, anything, instead preferring to look and move forward. Of course she had a hard time letting go of some things, or more specifically Bahrain and losing Andrew (both to divorce and to Lash). But in general, May lived in the moment, knowing full well that it was better to enjoy what she had, as it could all easily be taken away in the blink of an eye.

If she had to choose, though, she’d probably say the days she’d joined and then graduated from the Academy and became a full-fledged SHIELD agent were _among_ the happiest days of her life, as that had been the start of 30 long, challenging, yet thrilling years. And, of course, the Academy was where she’d met the best friend she’d ever had, someone who rounded out her life perfectly, who completed her in ways she’d never thought possible.

 Which was what made leaving SHIELD both the hardest _and_ the easiest thing she’d ever do.

* * *

 So this was it. The world was saved (for now, at least), the team had survived mostly intact (not counting Fitz because she knew without a doubt Simmons was planning on making a beeline to find _this_ timeline’s Fitz), and SHIELD had a new leader who was going to be a great fit. Things were finally going back to normal, or as normal was could be for a team that mostly lived in secret and dealt with superhuman threats most of the time.

Yes, things were going back to normal, save for two things. Namely, two people.

_“I raised you?”_

May walked slowly back to her bunk, her muscles aching, no _screaming_ from a combination of battling Qovas, lifting tons of debris at least 30 times heavier than her, and the leg injury that would never properly heal. She eased the door shut and leaned heavily against it, taking a deep breath.

It was nothing she couldn’t handle, but as Coulson had oh so tactfully pointed out the day her world start to crumble around her, she wasn’t going to live forever. No matter how active her job (more of a lifestyle) kept her was, and despite how much tai chi she did or how many antioxidants were in her favorite green tea, it was all starting to take a toll.

But if she were to be honest, the dark circles under her eyes and her pale complexion had nothing to do with the stress of the life or death circumstances she regularly lived in.

No, the cause was something much more nefarious. If she closed her eyes, her bunk melted away, and she was back on the future’s version of the Zephyr. Although now it was probably more accurate to say _alternate_ future, since they’d ensured that future would never come to pass. 

(Her brain was now starting to hurt too. Great).

  _“You weren’t afraid of what I could do.”_

Robin’s words echoed in her mind. The notion that she’d actually raised an Inhuman girl (and yes, the irony was _not_ lost on her) had been ridiculous. Her, of all people? She would’ve pegged Robin’s surrogate mother to be Simmons, who was naturally gentler.

But as time went on, she’d started to wrap her brain around the idea. First of all, it had actually happened, so yes that meant it was clearly possible. Coupled with Daisy’s remarks about her “Mom face” and the way Robin had been so drawn to her, May had begun to come around. Maybe it hadn’t been the way she’d imagined, in that beautiful house with Andrew by her side. Maybe it was in a dystopian space station where humans were enslaved by big blue aliens. Maybe the circumstances were more tragic than ideal. But it had happened.

And now she’d never get the chance. A selfish thought, yes, as Robin deserved to be raised by Polly. She deserved a real life, filled with soccer games (or whatever activity she preferred), ice cream in the park, and perhaps even siblings. The Lighthouse would’ve been a nightmarish place for a kid to grow up, and that was putting it mildly.

Yet a secret part of her _hadn’t_ wanted the time loop to break. She’d yearned for so long to be a mother, only to have that future literally disappear before her eyes.

Although maybe this was what being a mother was like, making the hard choice to give her child her best chance. And now Robin would get to grow up the way she had, in a hopefully relatively normal house with normal friends and normal hobbies.

So this was causing a fair bit of sleeplessness, not that she’d ever been a deep sleeper. The second thing?

 The impending death of the man she’d loved for most of her life.

That wasn’t quite fair to Andrew; of course she’d loved him. Of course she’d been devastated when she’d lost him to Lash. But if she had to choose between him and Coulson, she knew who would come out on top every time, not that she’d ever admit it.

May made her way to the bed, kicking off her shoes and flopping down. Though it was a small act, the relief was immediate and poignant. Her jacket came off next. Too bad the Lighthouse didn’t come equipped with soft sweats. She needed a long, long shower, followed by a massage and a strong drink.

He hadn’t taken the cure. Simmons and Yoyo’s red-rimmed eyes (and that was _before_ they found out about Fitz) had told her as much the second she and Mack stepped foot in the Zephyr. In the end, that had caused the time loop to break, along with shattering her dreams of becoming a mother _and_ spending the rest of her days with the man she loved. And so Yoyo’s future self’s words had come true.

Phil Coulson had to die. And he would. It was so fucking unfair.

There was a soft knock on the door. May’s gaze shot up, although she already sort of knew who it was. After the noise was through, after they’d saved as many as they could, they’d flown back to the Lighthouse to lick their wounds. More work was to be done to rebuild. Would the Lighthouse become their new base, or would it stay an emergency station should another “extinction-level” event happen again? Plans needed to be made, and family members probably needed to be contact, but first they all needed a breather. Everyone had gone to their respective rooms, presumably to sleep, sob, or both.

But if there was one person stubborn enough, it would be him.

Another knock on the door. “May?”

With an eye roll, she stood up and opened the door. “What the hell are you doing out of bed?”

“Like you would be one to talk.” Coulson replied, striding inside and shutting the door behind him. “How long did you walk around on that leg for in the Lighthouse?”

May simply huffed, crossing her arms. “I had no choice. But you do. Go back to bed, Phil.” 

She didn’t want to be mad at him. With the little precious time he had left (Simmons estimated days, maybe weeks at most), she wanted to spend it creating the best memories possible, ones she could replay over and over in her loneliest moments afterwards. Ones that would keep her going. But he’d left her no choice. Not when he was more frail than her elderly father. Not when his body was literally failing before her eyes. Not when he’d chosen to save the world instead. “You can barely stand.”

And she was right. The few steps between her bunk and the infirmary had caused him to become short of breath, and he was leaning up against the wall as it was the only thing holding him up. Although at this point it probably was.

“I had…t-to come see you,” Phil said, breathing heavily in an attempt to catch his breath. May had a chair in her room, yet he made no attempt to sit on that or the bed.

“That’s what intercoms are for.”

“Because you enjoy being summoned." 

Alright, he had a point there. But still. “Come on. We need to get you back to bed.”

“Not…until you hear what I have to say.” 

“That can wait.” She slung her arm around his waist, ignoring the little shiver that went down her spine, and flung open the door.

 Coulson slammed it shut in a surprisingly fluid motion. “I’m serious, Melinda.” He turned to face her; his eyes darted around the room. He licked his lips and shoved his hands into his pockets.

May stared at him. Was he… _nervous_? Unlike her, he had a terrible poker face. Although in the past he’d been mostly successful had putting forth a cool façade for enemies, she’d always been able to see through it. Thank goodness he’d taken her suggestion on wearing sunglasses.

Suddenly, she felt anxious. Jittery. She almost wished for a punching bag so she could work off some of that energy. Even a quick run around the base would help. She crossed her arms instead. “What is it, Phil?”

He cleared his throat. “So…you know that I’m dying." 

May leveled him with a glare that usually caused enemy agents and subordinates (even some of her commanders) to pause and rethink their actions, although right now it was probably more akin to a weary stare. “You don’t say.” She said dryly.

“Yeah, okay, that was a pretty terrible way to start. It sounded better in my mind.”

(Of course he’d rehearsed it. It was _so_ typical Phil).

“Anyways,” he continued. “I was doing some thinking. I’ve never been to Tahiti, and I hear it’s a magical place. Well, I guess I _did_ go, but not technically. Which you know. Ha.” His eyes darted down, and then to her lips, finally meeting hers. “And I want to go.”

May frowned. “Okay…? You’re here to tell me you want to go to Tahiti.” She deadpanned.

“No! Well, yes. But that’s not it. Seriously, this went much differently in my head, believe me. I-I want to go to Tahiti, you know live out the rest of my days, maybe even get a tan. But I don’t want to do it alone.” He looked meaningfully at her.

She got it, understood full well what he was saying, what he meant. But one look at his flushed cheeks (from embarrassment, no doubt), and she knew she had to have some fun first. “Well, I’m sure there will be lots of other tourists there. Have at it. Need help with your luggage?”

He sighed, frustration apparent. “No, that’s not what I’m trying to say.”

May couldn’t help it; a little sly smile started to creep up, despite her best efforts. “I’m not sure I know what you mean.”

“I’m saying…” He grabbed her hands. “Will you come with me? To Tahiti?”

Her heart rate quickened. Could he feel it? “Um…”

“We can tan, drink cocktails on the beach, swim in the ocean, and eat absolute garbage. And of course sleep in, although you’d probably hate that. I’ve been thinking about this for a long time. There’s nowhere I’d rather spend my retirement than Tahiti, and there’s nobody I’d rather be with.”

Her smile spread so wide, she'd never be able to suppress it. But still, she cocked her head to one side and pretended to think it over. “Sounds tempting, but there’s lots to do here…”

“Melindaaa…” Phil whined. “Come on, you Mack’s got everything covered. He can look after the kids.”

“The kids, huh?" 

Phil chuckled. “Don’t tell me you haven’t thought that to yourself in the past.”

 “And Mack’s not one of our kids?” _Our._ The word escaped her before she knew what she was saying, and as silly as it was, it felt absolutely right.

“Yeah, he’s too big to be a kid. Figuratively and literally. He’s like…the cool uncle. And you know they don’t need us, not really anymore.” Phil grinned at her in a way that made her stomach drop. “So what do you say? Melinda May, will you come with me to Tahiti?”

In response, she flung her arms around his neck, stood on her tiptoes, and kissed him. “As I needed convincing.” She murmured.

This was nothing like the proposal Andrew had planned for her, in the middle of a nice dinner at a nice restaurant. She’d never been the over the top type, and he’d known that. He’d proposed to her in a perfectly normal way in a normal place the way normal people had. Still, there had been candles, a gorgeous ring, and fancy champagne. He’d worn a suit that went well with her black dress.

Currently, she was barefoot, her clothes and hair in complete disarray. Her arms were covered in dried blood and little cuts, and she had a large, throbbing bruise on her forehead. She probably smelled, having been a teensy bit busy trying to save the world (again) to shower properly.

Yes, this was a far cry from the day she’d gotten engaged to Andrew. Hell, this wasn’t even a proposal, technically.

No, it was better.

He wrapped an arm around her waist, drawing her in close and holding her tight. “I love you.  I’m sorry I never told you. You deserved to know.

“Hmm, you know I’ve never been one for words.” May responded, resting her forehead against his. “Besides, I think you made up for it.”

"Yes, but still. I should’ve told you. I’m sorr-“

“Phil?” She interrupted.

“Yes?” 

“Do you want to talk? Or would you rather do something else?”

Melinda grabbed the collar of his jacket and pressed her lips against his, and he responded eagerly; they moved frantically against each other in an attempt to make up for the 30 years they’d been too afraid to cross the line into something simultaneously scarier and more wonderful than they could ever imagine.

 Yes, this was _much_ better.

* * *

 “You’re _what?_ ”

Daisy and Simmons wore identical looks of shock, their eyes comically wide as they stared at May and Coulson as though they’d grown extra limbs, or willingly joined Hydra. Yoyo and Mack looked similarly thunderstruck.

"You heard us.” May responded. “We’re leaving. I’ve already re-routed the Zephyr.”

“B-but…” Daisy sputtered. “You can’t!” In that moment, she looked and sounded very much like a petulant child whose parents took away her favorite video game.

“You don’t need us.” Phil responded. “You’re more than capable of handling whatever crazy situation will be thrown at you next. You have been for a while.”

“B-but…” Daisy repeated. 

“Yes, yet…” Simmons added on. Her eyes grew even wider, if that was possible, at the sight of May and Coulson’s entwined hands.

“You’re part of our team.” Yoyo supplied. “Our family.”

May smiled. It was funny. Five years ago, her fellow agents probably would’ve thought her face just couldn’t do that action, that her muscles didn’t function that way, and she would’ve readily agreed. But now? Just recently, Daisy had referred to her as a big “softie,” or a “mama bear.” Funny how much things could change. “We’ll always be family. 

“So then stay!” Daisy insisted, her eyes already filling with tears. “You can’t leave, not now.”

“The decision’s been made.” Phil argued firmly yet gently. “It was never my intention to be around forever. It’s time for SHIELD to continue on, and for me to formally step down.”

Next to him, May murmured her agreement. She’d once considered leaving SHIELD for Andrew, to see if they could rekindle their old romance. If the Lash thing had never happened, would that have worked? She liked to think it would, but honestly she probably would’ve remained too worried to fully relax and enjoy herself. Yet now, although she’d certainly miss the faces around her, miss living and fighting alongside them each day, she couldn’t say she felt the same tension.

Although his face was somber, Mack nodded his acceptance, ever the level-headed one. “We understand. It’s…time for you to move on. Hell, I tried to do it at least 20 times.”  At that, a chuckle went around the room, lightening the somber mood a little.

“We’ll miss you!” Daisy blurted, tears streaming down her cheeks. She shot up from her perch on a stack of crates and ran towards Phil and Melinda, hugging them both at once. Simmons joined in, and then Yoyo, and then Mack, towering above everyone and leaning down to complete their group hug.

As Melinda heard sniffles and felt the weight and warmth of their arms, she suddenly realized she had no reason to mourn her lost chance to be a mother. Because Daisy had been right all along. Back when she was Skye, she’d even referred to her and Phil as _Mom_ and _Dad._ Although it had been sarcastic, she’d been spot on.  

Whether she’d known it all along or not, Melinda May _had_ been and always would be a mother to this ragtag group. How could she mourn what she’d never lost?

* * *

 Melinda didn’t know how much longer he had, although she sincerely hoped it was longer than the _days_ Simmons had predicted. She didn’t know what she’d do afterwards. Would she truly accept his death and move on? (Ideally, yes, but probably not for a long time). Would she treat this as a “vacation” of sorts and go back to SHIELD, nurturing and training the next generation of agents? Or would she retire, perhaps move back to live with her mother or care for her father? Maybe teach self-defense?

These weren’t things she liked or wanted to think about. These weren’t all things she could necessarily control. As she walked along the beach hand in hand with someone who’d always managed to make her laugh and her heart lift even during the blackest moments of her life, she made a promise to herself.

For now, she was just going to live in and enjoy the present.

**Author's Note:**

> Please feel free to follow me on tumblr (@philindaforlife), where I will hopefully be posting more Philinda fics to get us all through the hiatus!


End file.
